I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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