i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
