Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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