AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
