I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
