Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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