I seem to have left my pride at pride
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
