You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
