Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
