I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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