Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
