so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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