Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
