are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
