No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
