I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
