Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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