I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
