next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
