i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
