Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
