I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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