i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
