If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
