I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
