good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
