my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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