I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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