There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize