Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
