We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
