she was so not down for the gang bang
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
