I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
