The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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