Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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