Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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