Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
