just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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