How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
