Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
ttyl tear gas
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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