either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
