Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
where are my eyebrows?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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