stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
