one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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