You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
