Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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