dude i'm inner monologue high
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
