she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
