I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
