you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
