So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize