If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
