i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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