I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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