it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
