omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
