so that wasnt chicken after all
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
