i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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