You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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