do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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