I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
