So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
did i walk over a car last night?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
