I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
