Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My bed smells like the plague
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
