idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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