If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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